Based on the account of an EMT ambulance driver, it came to my attention that the myth of light frequencies and spectrums that can actually change red lights to green are a reality. It occurs to me, that should we find scientists, engineers and fabricators, sympathetic to our cause, our front lights could be re-tooled, rigged to elicit the same flashing pattern, burst and spectrum that said lights create, giving us an endless stream of green lights, negating the need to slow down or come to a stop ever. Though, with this in mind, if we truly are the ardent professionals we claim to be, said lights would be unnecessary, however, they couldn't hurt. But in the interest in cost-effectiveness, the violation of federal law, years of underground research and the inconsistency of dependence upon technology I would like to politely suggest that all traffic come to a halt in our presence, not out of respect, not for safety's sake, not even because you're the guy in your office who sends out all the last minute super rush packages at 4:50 to Pemberton sq., but because if you don't get out of our way, we'll get there by any means necessary, and that happens to include over the river, through the woods, across your path and through you.

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posted by Eli at 6:01 PM 0 Comments